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[02 Dec 2008|09:43pm]

4.5 hours, few more to go!
i will probably update my life when i visit michigan (dec 17-31)
nervous about coming back home , but will spend a lot of time relaxing at mimi's.
undisturbed and not working every day at 7 am.
Comments: talk the world into a paper bag .

that don't kill me can only make me stronger [25 Aug 2008|11:31pm]
I am so disappointed in myself
I have been writing in a paper journal and sketch book for the past couple months, since Israel actually. Which was already 2 months ago, I feel like it just happened. Everything went by so fast.

Israel was the best time of my life. I would go back in an instant. I have pictures and things to remember it by, otherwise, a lot is a little blurry it went by so fast, I never slept and had the best time. I encourage everyone to go whenever I meet someone Jewish, or not
Less than a month after I got home,

New Mexico-
I have been super homesick at times, but it goes away in 5 minutes. I have so many things to enjoy while I am here.
The lights here down below the hills are amazing. It's like looking down on a little city with bright colored lights for miles.

There is pure snow white sand down the highway made of gypsum in the middle of desert grass and it's like dunes but it never gets hot on your feet since it isn't rock. It is gorgeous,

I saw a creepy tarantula while walking my dog, it was sweet.
i got a dog for free and he is now my best friend.
i walk a lot with him, 6 times a day? hopeing to lose some of the weight from land shark beer, the best beer i have had.

the food is amazing. guacomole, spicy salsas and watermelon spiced with chili powder(sooo great) and for those of you who don't believe in sonics drivethrus, i have about 5 within 10 miles.

I live down the main road from a strip of a bunch of cheezy dirty motels that are always empty. All neon lights on though,half working, I think it would make the perfect scene for either a horror movie or a shitty spring break.

I think, instead of coming back to michigan.. i may convince charlie to just move out here.
I am volunteering for SNAP (Spay and Neuter Animal Program) and they are having a gala. There will be fancy food, champagne, a dog act, a play, silent auction, and they are raffling off for me to do the winners pet portrait, so I can really show people not just hand out cards they throw away.
Plus I start my internship in December, and I hear if you go on to Vet Tech and real good, they sponser you to go to VET SCHOOL if you work with them. I think I may actually try and do it, I have the drive now. Took me a while but motivation is back, maybe cuz I force myself to use a planner and do it. Or my aunt makes me haha.

My aunt's band is really sweet too. They made a demo the other day .
I read about 5 books in the last week, there is an amazing used book store here and you just trade in yours for new ones.

I think I may stay?...
Comments: 2 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[23 May 2008|11:14am]
Now my name is on it officially :)

I have had the worst 2 days possible.
I started my new job at Macys, which I get 20 % off but it goes by so slowly.
I have a new boyfriend, Charlie, the sweetest man I have ever met.

My dog Yuri went into surgery this morning for more kidney stones,
and my wicked stepsister said some harsh words.
I woke up at 8 to say goodbye to him, and while cuddling him she asked if I was going to the vet.. I said no, and she started claiming I am selfish and my dog is going to die, blahblah. I start crying histerically, stressed as it is.. I come home after then going to the vet to find a letter from her saying how it is strange how much I do animal art but don't care about my own pets.. which is total bullshit. I need to act like an adult she says and help my dad out financially.. she is 27 living at home works at a stripclub and now has rehab 4 days a week. I fucking hate her. At the end of the letter it says "hope there are no hard feelings". I will never look at the drunk bitch in the face again she disgusts me. Little harsh, but she's the ugliest person I have ever met.

I get my business cards in a week.
My website is started
I hope things work out. I cannot wait to leave.
I go to Israel in a month, then have to be to New Mex the end of July... and also leave behind the perfect guy. Ah.... I just feel like crawling in a hole today
Comments: 4 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[21 May 2008|04:21pm]
My name isn't on the flyer but :

Comments: 4 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

you were right when you said all that glitters isn't gold [28 Mar 2008|01:09am]
My dream from my 3 hour nap:
I was in my grandma's kitchen staring out the sliding glass doors when I saw neon bile green eyes shining back at me. I took a flashlight and saw a bunch of baby wolves or huskie dog things staring back and then they ran into the woods. The sun came up and I walked out to the garden and there were giant bloody paws all over the lawn. The most graphic shit I have ever seen, and I picked them up. Holding all these paws and it was so gory. All these poor wounded puppy things came out whimpering and missing parts and fur and I started crying and tried to get my mom to help carry them to the doctor or wherever and it was so so gross, but I was trying to save them and I woke up like
and I think I am going to make a good vet tech. It is a sick sign that my plans are working out and I need to call that advisor lady tomorrow and get my ass in gear.
I wanted to remember that for tomorrow^^ Whole point of this entry I think.
OH and pay parking ticket tooo!!!********* I think I have a warrant?

I applied for free tickets for antique roadshow for Brandi and I, which would be so much cooler than going to Israel I bet. Which I am doing June 22-July something.

At the moment this is my playlist:
Bullet in the head - Rage Against the Machine
Must've run all day - Glassjaw
Flying High - Jem
Your ex-lover is dead, the vanishing, personal and my favourite book - Stars
Kids wih guns and Dirty Harry- Gorillaz
Ziggy Stardust - Seu Jorge
Secret - Maroon 5
Dickhead and Nicest thing - Kate Nash
Jetboy - New York Dolls
Pawn Shop Heart - Von Bondies
The Birth and Death of the Day - Explosions in the sky
All the love in the world, Persistance of Loss - Nine Inch Nails
Goodbye Gundi - The Workhouse
Heartbeats - The knife
Heartbeats- Jose Gonzalez
Daisy Chains - Aeroc
Duke of Hazard - Blockhead
Ghoust town - The Specials

And I want to start swapping CDs really badly, make mixes and send them to people and send it back soooo anyone interested let me know.
Comments: talk the world into a paper bag .

good night with minxes, bad night with every one else [24 Mar 2008|01:48am]
I have ended my little love affairs.
I want to remember and read this tomorrow and officially there are no more ties other than memories.

I just wanted to put head's up,
that I will be in an art show at TC Speakeasy's in Ypsi, June 13 (A FRIDAY.)
I am very nervous I have never done anything like this before.
But I would love for anyone to come and check it out :)

I'm barefoot in a big coat in my room and I am going to light a candle, nag champa, listen to Ravi Shankar and close my eyes because tonight was fucking stupid and I am done.

I started collecting ugly tacky picture frames. I am very picky about the gaudiness, but so far I am quite proud.
Comments: 4 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

another run in with the ex and i [22 Feb 2008|07:25pm]
I found my heart
In a pawn shop, baby
You took me for dead - dead
By the way - you still
I am way past tales
I'm bored and I'm crazy
You took all my good love
And gave it all away

I've been on the backstreet
I'm all alone
I've been on the hotseat
I'm gone - I'm gone
Sweet little love of mine
Take all you can
I'm your pawn shop lover
I'm your pawn shop, broken-heart man

With all your good looks
I still have nothing
Breaking the whip on my back like a man
Still have nothing
Take everything you want
Take all you can
I'm your pawn shop lover
I'm your pawn shop, broken-heart man
Comments: 1 leech - talk the world into a paper bag .

[20 Feb 2008|12:47am]
i have too many boys on my mind, its damn annoying. i try not to think about any, but my dreams about them are out of control.
i sleep a lot, but lately my dreams have shock factor and make me want to cry a little.

in case any one does not have facebook , and wants to buy art..
here are some of my pieces for my new series :

i hope to get a website going soon.. once i figure out how to do it.
Comments: 10 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[04 Feb 2008|06:31pm]
i'm living in westland in my own little, space
i have 6 little dogs
i have no job
i have money saved
i really like woodchuck draft cider
i have a rat with a tumor (another)
i love to sit up late painting
i love to sleep until it's dark
i am enjoying my stepmoms meals
i have a crush again, who i'll never see
i like when he grabs my butt, that's all i need
Comments: 3 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[29 Jan 2008|09:40pm]

Jo called me this morning,
seeing if I were interested in taking a job in Adrian
a 90 stable farm, 57 acres, $200,000 each show horse.
where there is a breeding barn with babiiies
which I will be in charge of!
Plus, I get a rent-free studio apartment.
And I am soooooooooooooo excited!!!!
I really hope this works out,
I won't need to go to New Mexico if Adrian college offers vet courses:
Also, she is bringing her 4 great danes which I adore.

Horses, my new boyfriends.

I am looking for some new music. I haven't had internet in a while and it's making me a little insane listening to the same ol' thing.
I tried going to a dance club thing the other night, and I had fun.. but I still think techno isn't my thing. I also got semi-puked on which always makes me in a funny mood.

I'm dying my hair redder tonight and having a beauty night.
Comments: 7 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[20 Jan 2008|01:50pm]
recapping quickly-
i had strep throat.
woke up after the 5 days of antibiotics with horrible stomach pains,
went to the doctor who sent me to the hospital,
i spent 2 days on IVs and blood tests and ultra sounds and cat scans,
all that good stuff.
first it was galbladder disease, then they thought my appendix, then who knows, i still don't have any true answers.. but i have tons of meds to make me not feel sick to my stomach so that is a plus except i still feel kinda loopy.. i have to get a colonoscopy if this doesnt subside woo.
i told my new boss that i cannot really commit to working right now because of my stupid health issues, so i am jobless as of right now.

the one person i hoped would care seemed to.. but blew me off the night i got out.. for beer pong. i know i shouldn't expect anything from dan, even as a friend though really bummed me out. i went out to dinner with ryan and john and then had to leave since they were meeting up with him.. situations like this really suck. i just need to get away from this city.
i spent the past nights crying and staying up late and i think i am losing my mind again, he somehow has a giant part in that.

i went to meet up with evan last night at like midnight, after he told me he was going to be out of the shower in 20 minutes so i could leave then. i was a little excited to just watch a movie and get out, until i pulled into his drive way and his drunk ass texted me that he was really out in novi and wasn't going to be home.. that was a pretty low blow to my self esteem.

my aunt and i are looking at programs out of michigan so i can get a degree and get the fuck away from whatever the hell is going on here, i can't handle it any longer. people are so so stupid, and my life seems to be stuck. all i do is art and sleep, this is not me.
Comments: 4 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[09 Jan 2008|09:45pm]
[ mood | creative ]

life so far of 2008 has been something out of the ordinary, i'd say.
i stay up til 7 am making magazine mosaic tile art, wake up from 4-5 and do it all over again.

new years i met the sexiest, most interesting man..
i was drunk for my first time in a while, and his name at the time was "parrot bay" and at the stroke of midnight, which was in about the first 10 minutes of us meeting eachother, we had one of those long lasting makeout sessions that i adore. we kept finding eachother and pressing eachother into the walls of the house, both drunk and dumb. my earrings kept popping out and he'd call me cute names like sugar butt..
we texted all morning and i ended up seeing him again, got drunk again,
he is super open and by that i mean into open relationships-
which i have never thought of pursuing.. however, he is beautiful and we have a great time.. i'm interested, hell.
i'll only live once.. still scared though.
i went to u of m the next night again to drink and hang out with old friends, i had a blast for once.. no worries following me.

i started to move all my stuff into laure's basement. i plan on doing some art on the walls, i found this bad ass wire sculpture of wire hands holding the world.. so i can trace the lines with marker or something and grid it big onto the wall behind my couch. then, i am for sure stenciling bob dylans face on too..
i was going to paint 2 walls a dark purple i think..
hell i don't know, it's a lot of space and i don't want it too cluttered but i can't wait to model it up cozy and eccentric.

kristy (laures daughter) went with me all day today to search. normally we never talk, but her and i got along really well today. and she works out, meaning i have a new partner to help me kick my ass and get toned. theres also a treadmill outside my door.. but anyway
i start sunday at the shark club, a pool hall that is super huge and i am really nervous.. but i should be fine, i'm going to start dressing sassy and rake in the money. never really waitressed before, but i'll be awesome.
if i don't get enough hours, i plan on applying for this karate assistant job and teach 5-10 year olds karate.. shouldn't be too hard, i get paid to work out :)

i'm bored with nothing to do lately -
i'll do school in the fall, maybe move to new mexico, go nuts.
life should be ok soon.

i refuse to date however. this is the luck i have:
dan moved to cali last week, and john hates me..
i was confessed to by 2 old flames they want me..
but i feel a little nauseaus bringing those back up.
and my ann arbor boy will never work so i should shut up.
but.. i guess it's "me" time.
more art and music and body sculpting,
i also plan on getting my quarter sleeve started soon.
it's an arctic theme and badass.
being alone is a little scary, but i should get more accomplished once work starts and i get a set schedule.
i also plan on volunteering at shelters and all that jazz,

seriously 2008 keep me sane!

Comments: 2 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[29 Dec 2007|01:55am]
"The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that I know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now."

New year.
New hope.
Comments: 3 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[21 Dec 2007|12:27am]
i feel like i lived 2 days in one,
so tired.
day prior i woke up at 4 30 pm after going to bed at 7 am, because i felt sick due to vintage modeling. then couldnt sleep and
on two hours of sleep i got up at 9 to work 10-4 standing making cakes, all alone.
that is a lot of time to think mind you.

came home and slept all night,
got up due to crazy dreams and actually began packing.
i love today that i realized:
i had been sleeping out for so long, really have not been home for 2 days straight and tonight is night 2, and i am so content. not scared or anything.
my lights dimmed, frasier is on, i am wearing my red furry ugly socks,
and still my worn chocolatey khakis and saris sweat shirt.
i will need sari no matter where i am and will still call her 4 or 5 times a day. BFF

my house is so messy,
there are dishes everywhere, and dogs peeing and being smelly,
and its all because we move so soon he doesnt care anymore and i am glad
i get a new room to decorate and hopefully keep unpacked for more than a couple months
it's so annoying moving , really.

i am now eating dinner
rice cakes with whipped cream cheese, beef jerkey, and a hersheys sundae pie.

more exciting things have happened in my life lately that i will want to remember 10 years from now,
i actually have gone to parties... social anxiety still there, but i made plenty of efforts.
sometimes i think i have a more random train of thoughts.
Comments: talk the world into a paper bag .

111.5 lbs [13 Dec 2007|03:53am]
[ mood | cold ]

my horoscope :
you keep saying someone's not your type - but how has your type worked out before? it's worth giving someone different a shot.

oh really now? where they at?

i have been obsessing with stupid 5 minute skit videos and asylum.com.
and my new camera from hanukkah.
i hope i can get all pretty tomorrow and take fun pictures with sari at the salvation army.
we are going to stef's ugly sweater party on friday, so i need to find a winner.
it will also be another mini high school reunion, so we know i have to get saucy.

it's late. i will sleep in til 2 again. i have no motivation for the next month, and i like it.

Comments: 3 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[07 Dec 2007|05:32pm]
what a fucking insane night/morning.
all day yesterday i tried to sleep,
had mini dream sets all including dan
which i would wake up and have to go throw up.

in the night i kept hallucinating he was in my bedroom waking me up,
i caught myself talking outloud asking "what are you doing here" "are you fucking crazy"
tossed and turned til my alarm went off at 9,

i went to work like a normal work day and got everything finished pretty early.
i thought time was going by fast,
my grandma came in and told me that for the vet tech program i only need
PRE ALGEBRA - hell yes!!! passed it in compass!
and that most of the classes i need to pre req are finished,
so therefore i will be finished in under 2 years with just labs and medical term !

i was so so happy and then i got a phone call from courtney
connie had a heart attack on sunday, which i hate that no one told me earlier
i just ran over and bought her a nice teddy bear and card..
she is probably one of the strongest women i know, she will be ok.

theeeen maybe an hour before getting off work,
a woman came in who was crying.
she was wearing sweats and had no bottom teeth, her hair was thinned,
she told me her son had passed away 2 years ago today,
he was only 19 years old.
i am 19 i told her, and she began to cry again.
she took out his ID and he didn't look familiar, but she asked my name
i simply said sam and she said wow, i called him sam
his name was sean allen moscow (i think), initial S A M
and she said something of how i was an angel and needed to stay close to my father..
really deep conversation occured in less than 10 minutes
it was a really weird feeling hearing her call me an angel..
but circumstances and all that , it was ironic i suppose.

with all that happening before it got dark outside,
i can only anticipate on what this friday night is going to bring.
i am thinking i can't handle any more weird things and want to stay home,
but i really want to go watch the wings game with either luke or evan, or bunch of people.

i hadn't eaten all day until now, 4 microwaved hot dogs. i feel sickly and it is time to nap.

tomorrow morning i am going to the mall with my grandma and then birthday dinner with my dad.
i told him we are going to marvelous marvins to take photobooth pictures like we did when i was little, and then to the family buggy works, our favorite restaurant from way back.
you get to sit with a giant stuffed bear and eat peppermint ice cream.
i got a new camera so maybe i can bust it out and have some good pictures with that.
hoping i make it til then.
Comments: talk the world into a paper bag .

[06 Dec 2007|04:29am]
[ mood | sick ]

extremely drunk
many of you know i never drink, rarely.
tonight i went to pick up my bag at dans
called numerous times, no answer,
drove by on the way to meet with brandi, and saw the light on.
like a creep i went to the door and steve let me in after i heard whispering
found dan in bed with leah aka heroin addict.
she was naked.
i asked where my stuff was, he said he smoked it,
and i socked him in the face so hard i scared myself... screamed FUCK YOU.
officially this bullshit is over. i figured for the past few days i was done,
but actually seeing it with my own eyes prooved it.
i stupidly went to the bar and drank a few jack and cokes,
vomited, more of the fact i saw that bitch naked,
and now i am home and everything is ringing in my ears.
i am reminded why i do not like to drink,
however the asshole smoked my shit.
and i kind of want to die right now.

plan is,
i move to westland next month.
working til next fall
i will enroll at wayne states vet tech program,, all my gen eds are finished.
but, if i get excepted into TIGER FRIENDS in myrtle beach, i am out.
i am on call for 2 years , 247, to attend to:
tigers, ligers, lions, elephants, mandrills, monkeys, hawks, ant eaters, racoons, etc,
and it's basically a cult.
but to get away fot two years and quit smoking,
i think i will enjoy it.
i also get a free apartment, company car, and 100 bucks starting a week.
it really is "so me".

i also saw danny stratford last night and caught up with our lives, i miss the boy.
things have been so so so so so bad,
but for once,
i think they are moving in the right direction.
i'm going to bed.

Comments: 3 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

cockblock [06 Nov 2007|01:58pm]
[ mood | sore ]

being with him is so toxic, but so wonderful.
my cousin robin mentioned once how something can feel so good but be bad for you,
such as smoking or ice cream.
all dan is , is a giant cigar and some mint chocolate chip basically,
and i indulge every chance i can possibly get.
i hadn't slept home in almost 2 months, that was my excuse last night to share the couch with him.
this morning he was having withdrawls and could barely snuggle when i crawled into his covers.
i also skipped class again.

we watched a documentary on daniel johnston,
i had never heard of him before but i am so intrigued and impressed with his art.

i left his apartment in the rain and when i walked up my front steps,
my shoes lost traction and i wiped out, leaving hideous and painful bloody scrapes.
i limped inside and sat next to my dad and just started crying.

i don't know what the fuck is going on with me right now,
i want to blame the weather.

i think i might drop out of school and go into a vet tech program
then continue with my degree after i get a career going..
it was never my plan to do that, but where i am right now, i can't concentrate on random
bullshit classes. i keep letting myself down.

my rat has a fat tumor on her belly.

Comments: 9 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

yayyy [26 Oct 2007|03:50pm]
[ mood | calm ]

pain, totally worth it!

Comments: 2 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

[24 Oct 2007|11:51am]
I am a little behind in school work. A lot.
I spend my time hanging out with Josh and watching Home Improvement and Muppet movies.
I have from noon-5 to study math, but I am going back to sleep.
I lost all my motivation here.
I want to call Dan and see if we still are on bad , nontalking terms.

Halloween I figured I would use my old alligator costume,
so I went out and spent a ton of money on green junk and a wig and basically
I am going to look absolutely ridiculous. Reminds me of Mardi Gras.

I also got my next tattoo started, finishing it tomorrow.

I need to figure out where I am going, in so many ways.
Comments: 8 leeches - talk the world into a paper bag .

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